Dear Dr. Andrea,
I'm a 35-year-old male and was married to an extremely gorgeous 25-year-old woman for five years. She was a stripper then later went on to star in several pornographic movies.

We had an incredible sex life but just couldn't get along otherwise. We have been broken up for about six months now. We talk occasionally and are still friends. She lives in California and I'm in Virginia with the Navy.

My problem is I can't stop thinking about sex. My mind seems preoccupied with sex. I go to the strip clubs almost every night. Almost everything I do is related to my attempt to get laid. I masturbate at least once a day, sometimes more, and watch porno movies almost every day.

I'm not satisfied with standard sex anymore and I think even when I meet a new girl, I will want to have threesomes, even two guys and my girl.

Am I a sex addict? Will I eventually become less preoccupied with sex? What about the masturbation? Is this even a problem or should I just try to find another sex addict babe?

-- Horny as Hell

Dear Horny as Hell,
Your behavior is classic sexual addiction, but I think you knew that already. Your most telling comments are, "I can't stop thinking about sex" and "Almost everything I do is related to my attempt to get laid."

It is highly unlikely that you will eventually become less preoccupied with sex, since, by your own admission ("I'm not satisfied with standard sex anymore"), your sexual appetite has escalated.

What may have started as curiosity and adventure has become obsessive and compulsive. You are becoming aware that your sex life is not healthy. Some part of you must be worried about "upping the ante" even further, to a level of higher risk and real danger, or you would not have written for help.

You ask about masturbation. That has become obsessive and compulsive too, hasn't it? That's why you raise the question. It's gone beyond normal tension release and pleasure seeking.

Your sex acts have lost their vitality, their meaning, their zest. They are ritualistic now, performance-driven objects. The girls you seek for voyeurism or sexplay are objects too. You don't know how to connect with another human being in a relationship anymore.

That should scare you. People have become a means to an end, something you use not unlike in the movies you watch. But the end does not satisfy anymore, does it?

So you have to go further on the limb into taboo territory ...

Perhaps you venture into taboo territory to try to get some satisfaction. But, how far are you willing to go? Will you hurt people? Destroy your career? Are you willing to live like an empty machine, a robot that performs ritualistic sex acts without feelings, without being connected to your heart and soul?

As always, the choice is yours. You certainly can find "another sex addict babe." There are a lot of them out there. But the problem will persist with her too.

The difference is that she may be more willing to tolerate the shallow, empty relationship -- until she becomes conscious of the behavior being unsatisfying in her life.

I recommend that you find a good therapist, someone skilled in sexual addictions, and work through your issues in a fully conscious way. Sex still can be an important, vital force in your life, but hopefully balanced with other needs which you have overlooked for so long.

Don't delay in getting yourself on track. The longer this problem persists, the more difficult it is to restore a healthy balance in your life.

Good Luck!