Dear Dr. Andrea,
My girlfriend tells me I move too fast for her during sexual intercourse, but rapid thrusting is more satisfying for me. How can we resolve our differences?
-- Speedy Gonzales

Dear Speedy,
Men often assume that rapid thrusting is more satisfying because masturbation habits lead them to this conclusion. Yet, the goals of masturbation and the goals of intercourse do not necessarily match.

When men have partner sex, their source of stimulation is no longer one dimensional. With a partner, sensual enhancement is multi-dimensional -- sight, sound, taste, scent, and touch. This offers an opportunity to try something different, to savor the experience rather than rush to its conclusion.

When men intentionally slow their thrusting pace with a partner, they might experience the pleasure differently, perhaps enjoying the A-N-T-I-C-I-P-A-T-I-O-N more than the orgasm. There is an exquisite pleasure in teasing each other with the promise of things to come.

The delight may feel more apparent if the man moves very slowly from side to side. He should fully feel his partner, making contact with the body while attempting to know her soul.

If after trying variations on the SLOW MOTION, you are still not satisfied, take turns with each other to resolve your differences. Alternate pace and rhythm with each sexual encounter, then each of you has an opportunity to get your needs met. Most people like to have some variety anyway, so adjusting the pace is one way to achieve this.