Dear Dr. Andrea,
I'm a 21-year-old woman and I just lost my virginity this year.  I'm definitely a late bloomer. Because I'm older, I feel embarrassed asking other women about sex. I guess I feel like I should know all this stuff by now.

When giving oral sex to men, what should I do? What feels good for them? I have a partner, and I want to please him, but I've been afraid to try oral sex for fear of doing something that might hurt him or make him uncomfortable. Help!
-- Late Bloomer

Dear Dr. Andrea,
I would like some "how to's" on giving my mate oral sex. He loves it when I lick and suck him and I am most happy to do it since it gives him such great pleasure. It feels so good to please him that I would like to know more on how to do this correctly from start to finish -- including the grand finale. (Is there a trick to doing that easily?)

I recently read a short article in a European "Cosmo" that gave instructions for pleasurable "hand jobs", but I need a re-cap! Please help there too, if you could!

Sorry if this topic is offensive to some, but I have learned that pleasing him with this healthy request makes sex more fun for me too!
-- Healthy Pleasures

Dear Healthy Pleasures and Late Bloomer,
There is no shame in taking time to be ready for sexual activity. In fact, I want to commend Late Bloomer for NOT yielding to peer pressure when younger. Many people who act impulsively or respond to social pressures often have disastrous consequences and regret their decisions.

By waiting to choose the right partner and the right situation FOR YOU, you have actually optimized the conditions for a favorable relationship and sexual satisfaction.

You might be surprised to learn that sex is a topic we continually learn more about as we age and have more experience. At 21, you are not expected to know it all, and when you are 41, you will be amazed at how much more you will have discovered.

Oral sex is a technique that is best defined by the specific partners in a relationship. Some people are not comfortable with oral sex, while many choose to include it in their basic sexual repertoire.

For those who do incorporate it in their love play, some prefer NOT to swallow the man's semen, while others ingest the fluid in a rhythmic sucking motion that parallels the penile orgasmic pulsations.

If there is any "trick" to doing it "easily," it is simply to flow with the natural bodily rhythms so swallowing appears graceful and not clumsy.

Healthy Pleasures talks about licking and sucking which are the basic techniques for oral sex. When to lick and when to suck, and where to lick and where to suck are the decisions that create your own unique approach. There is no one right way. You can choreograph your own sexual art form!

In general, the shaft of the penis likes "up-and-down" movements, but "stop-start" action can be very stimulating too. This is true whether talking about oral sex or manual stimulation (aka "hand jobs"). "Stop-start" means you stop a motion, emphasizing the touch or the sucking with some firm yet gentle pressure, then resume the motion in the up or down direction.

The glans of the penis (or head) is the most sensitive, so it usually prefers less pressure or lighter touch. The coronal ridge (the bottom edge of the head where it meets the shaft) is the MOST SENSITIVE and often responds favorably to "tip-of-the-tongue" stimulation.

The most important advice I can give is to communicate with your partner. Ask him what he enjoys. Experiment with each other to find out what works for both of you. Remember to honor your comfort zones while you pleasure your erogenous zones.