Dear Dr. Andrea,
My husband and I hardly ever have sex. I think the last time was six months ago. We've been married seven years.

When I ask him what the problem is he just says it's not me, it's him. I am 34 now and want children.

We were separated before (for the same reason). When we got back together he said things would change, and they did for a month or so. I thought he had no sex drive, but lately I'm finding dirty pictures he's printing out from the Web. Now I'm assuming he has a sex drive since he likes looking at them.

I am on the verge of divorce. I can't waste too much more time with him. My biological clock is ticking. What do you think I should do? I'm ready to walk out and find someone who can co-operate. HELP!

-- Wit's End

Dear Wit's End,
Don't you feel suspicious that your husband was able to improve his sexual performance for the first month or so of your reconciliation? Why do you think that is?

Is it possible that he complied with your needs just to get you back, and once he felt secure in having you back, he slid into his old habits again?

From what you describe, your husband's problem is more complicated than lack of sexual desire. It sounds like he may have a compulsive sexual addiction that he has tried to hide from you. This is serious. He needs a therapist to help him work on this problem.

Your husband's habits do not fit your current goals of having an active sex life and creating a family. These are NOT HIS GOALS. You see that, don't you?

You have some decisions to make about your priorities. If you want to stay with your husband, therapy could take a long time, and there is no guarantee that he would embrace your goals in the end.

Regardless of whether your husband goes for therapy, you would also be a good candidate for therapy (probably short-term) to help you sort out your feelings and your judgement.

Your attitude about "wasting time" on your husband is an important clue to how you are shifting priorities to take better care of your own needs. Get some therapy so you can feel confident about the decisions you must make. Don't waste another seven years.

Good luck!