Dear Dr. Andrea,
I'm a married woman. I love my husband and we have a good relationship. I think we have a good sex life. The only thing is that when we have sex, I can't reach orgasm unless I fantasize about something in my head. Is this normal?

I guess what concerns me is that I often end up picturing two women together. I know that I'm not a lesbian. I love my husband and he turns me on. So I can't understand why I have fantasies like this during sex.
-- Pam

Dear Pam,
Fantasizing during sex is a normal experience. Studies have shown that both men and women fantasize, often about experiences with people besides their partners, and sometimes about same-sex partners.

Men tend to fantasize about being sexual with two women and watching the women stimulate each other. Women tend to have more romantic fantasies, but also fantasize about sex with other partners, male or female.

Fantasies come from our imagination and reflect our creativity more than our actual desires. Stretching our minds so that we feel desirable and desired heightens our sexual responsivity.

Fantasizing does not pose a threat to our relationship unless it becomes a sexual compulsion. Anything taken to extremes is abnormal by definition, and certainly this is true of obsessive-compulsive sexual behaviors.