Dear Dr. Andrea,
My husband has been spending a lot of time on the Internet. One day I came across some e-mails that he did not erase that were very upsetting to me. They had pictures of people having sex.

He told me that he was just exploring and they did not mean anything. But I still know that he does the sex chat and visits other porn sites every day to every other day. To me, I feel that this is a form of cheating, but he reassures me that it is not.

I do not know how to get my point across that I do not like it. I am very open and love to explore and try new things. But I like to have sex with my husband alone, not via the internet or through e-mail.

People tell me that this is normal for guys. But I don't like it. I have found some things in the last few weeks but have not confronted him with them, because I do not want to hear the same answer.

We have a rule: If either one of us is cheating then the marriage is over. He assures me that he is not cheating. Please help me.

-- Unsettled

Dear Unsettled,
If you found your husband in the arms of another woman and he told you, "It doesn't mean anything," would you believe him? What if you found him fondling lacy lingerie with no woman in sight? Or if you found him wearing lady's lingerie? Do these things mean something? Of course they do!

However, I would not call his behavior cheating. To do that, he would have to have a relationship with someone. Your husband's focus is to objectify women, not be in a relationship with them.

He looks at their body parts. They are props to be used for his pleasure. He is using the photos for his sexual addiction because they feed an obsessive-compulsive sickness.

"Just exploring" is a passing acquaintance with porn sites. It seems that your husband can't get enough. He may even schedule his time around this activity.

You don't need to work at "getting your point across" that you don't like it. He knows, but he disregards you because he is apparently addicted.

Of course, he denies it to you because he denies it to himself. Sexual addiction is often misunderstood, but it is NOT "normal for guys." It is an obsessive-compulsive disorder. He cannot stop.

If he is willing to get help, find a therapist. If he is not, you have to ask yourself what his behavior costs you? Are you willing to live with it?

If you push him, he might leave. That's a risk you take. Or if he refuses to get help, you might leave. That's a risk he takes.

Good Luck.